A Touch of Sadness

Its no secret that I continue to keep tabs on several aspects of my history in Second Life, even those that I no longer associate myself with or locations I no longer frequent.

Someone recently directed my attention to a recent post on the Stonehaven forum that Stonehaven was closing and moving to the OSGrid.  I think the person that directed my attention to this post expected me to let out a congratulatory whoop.  Quite the opposite indeed.  I am very saddened by this development.

Rather than dwell on the basis of my sadness though, I am going to spend the next few days going through my inventory and sorting reminders of the time my Family and I spent there.  I think I’ll lump it all into one handy folder titled “Memories”.

See, despite the falling out I had with certain members of Stonehaven and my disagreement over the *sanitization* of Stonehaven, one thing I cannot deny is the strong presence in my life of friendships forged and strengthened within that sim’s borders.  Even today, some of my closest friends are people I met and played with at Stonehaven, both new and old.

Personally, I wish the sim luck on the OSGrid.  The land prices there are astronomically low, and for a good reason.  It takes a lot of bravery to try and pioneer a remaking of what was once a great and glorious place.  It will also take a lot of work.  I for one am not a fan of the OSGrid, yet, but my Family and I have begun *exploring* alternatives to Second Life should one become necessary.  No, I’ll not say anything further on this topic as it is still very much in the exploratory stage.  Suffice to say, a lot of the logic Dirk spells out in his explanation for Stonehaven’s closure is very sound.  Not complete, but I’ll concede it is sound.

One souvenir I do not have is a photograph of the gazebo that used to sit above the deck at the newer Stonehaven castle.  If anyone has a picture of this within their inventory, I would greatly appreciate you forwarding it to me.  I have my personal reasons for wanting this.  Bonus points if myself, Yar Telling, or Diomita Maurer are in the photograph.  I’ll really be full of joy and good tidings if anyone has a photo of Felina Kitty leashed to the leashing wall at old Stonehaven, the one that sat in Littlefield.

Fare thee well Stonehaven.

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A reply to the prior post

This morning, I was graced with the courtesy of an instant message in-world from one of the individuals mentioned in my prior post.  The former owner of the mystery sub we are calling “Nic”.  By grace I mean he took the effort to un-mute me long enough to send me a message, then I am sure he promptly re-muted me.

This post is in reply to his message, and contains a few choice added retorts of my own.

First hon, allow me to thank you for following my blog so religiously.  I do value and appreciate my loyal readers.

As for my memory, it is fine.  I do recall your gift to Yar to help her acquire Yasminia.  I also recall her numerous attempts to repay you for that gift as well as your steadfast refusal to accept payment.  To throw that in my face now says more about your character than it does mine.

As with “the story with Yar” and me “not having the common decency to speak to you”, I did speak to you.  Perhaps your memory is the one that needs fine tuned.  Your last words to me on the topic were “Whatever she wants to do with “Nic” (innocent name inserted by me to protect the innocent) is fine with me.  I wash my hands of it.”  Of course, once Yar did do what she wanted with Nic, you responded by unfriending and banning everyone connected to her, including me.  If anyone had a lack of “common decency” with regard to talking through an issue it would seem to be….*insert drumroll here*….You.

I’m not sure I follow on your threat to blog about me.  From the looks of your current blog page, it seems you’ve forgotten the password to your account, or you’re just a poor communicator.  But hey, feel free to post all you want about me.  If a tree falls in the woods and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a noise?  We may never know.

Now, to address what you didn’t mention in your post, since I know you’re watching this site and I’m certainly not muted here.  You are a moron if you think you can talk about me behind my back to my subs and me not hear about it.  So, who was the forgiving friend?  You criticize my technique at putting my Family together and holding them together because you don’t agree with the underlying principles and philosophy that I foster?  Fuck you.  What gives you the right to judge me?  I sincerely do hope Dirk caves on your persistence to buy Stonehaven, so people can truly see what kind of character you possess sweetie.

My final word on this topic altogether, and your criticism of my ability to Domme.  Take a hard look at our Families dear.  Yeah, you know exactly where I’m going with that.  You own thirteen subs, that you KNOW about.  Think about it.

Now, YOU go and have a wonderful life.

You can never go home again

This next post has taken me several attempts to write, and is being published as several people have asked me for an explanation of some recent events.  I attempted to cool off prior to writing this post, but I apologize if I failed and my anger/hurt/sense of betrayal still shines through.  No, wait a minute.  Fuck that.  I apologize for nothing.

On February 1 of this year, I wrote about my home in Second Life, Stonehaven.  As in RL, there comes a time to cut ties and move on.

I recently sent a notice to my Family advising them that they were banned from the three sims making up the area known as Stonehaven until further notice.  Those that know me know this is a first in my Family.  As far as Dommes go, I am very lenient with my girls on where they can play, who they can play with and what nature of games they can play.  The only stipulation is that when I summon, they come.

So, for me to pass down this edict, the underlying issues must be pretty severe.

There exists in Stonehaven two individuals I used to consider very close friends of mine.  People I would have bent over backwards to assist, should it have been asked.

One of the individuals used to own a sub.  For the sake of the innocent and to protect all parties involved, lets call this sub “Nic”.  Nic left this person’s family, and was subsequently collared by one of my Brats.  The individual that used to own this mystery girl we’ll refer to as “Nic” responded by unfriending every person within my Family and I believe my inner circle of friends, as well as banned us from any sim he was an owner of.  This was all done without discussion of any form.  Dominant?  Petulant bitch?  You be the judge.

Nonetheless, I avoided this individual in an effort to let the matter pass hoping that time would cure any ill feelings and we could at a later date calmly and rationally discuss the matter.  It should also be noted that this individual, like myself, was a Warden at Stonehaven at the time of this incident.

Jump forward a few weeks, and I log on one day to discover that I, as well as any of my Family members that were Wardens in Stonehaven, had been “un-Wardened”, for lack of a better term.  This decision was made by the owner of Stonehaven, the second individual referenced to by myself previously.  It has been implied on the blog for Stonehaven that this decision was made as “several of those removed never visited Stonehaven anymore.”

Most of you that know me know I made a concerted effort, almost daily, to walk various members of my Family thru Stonehaven.  Next to my own island, Stonehaven was the most visited sim by myself, as well as several others.

Was our removal from the Warden ranks connected to the first mentioned issue stemming from the sub being collared by one of my Brats?  We’re still referring to her as “Nic” by the way.  To be honest, I don’t know.  What’s more important, I don’t care.  What is important is that I was once told that I would not be removed from the Warden ranks “ever” unless I asked to be.  So, I’m not upset over the possibility that this was the result of collusion between two prior friends.  I’m merely hurt by the betrayal and a broken promise, again without prior notice or discussion.

So, there you go.  My explanation for my actions and the notice sent to my Family.  Do most of you care?  I certainly hope not.  The only people with a real interest in this matter are those that are in my Family.  Am I right for my banning of Stonehaven?  Damn right I am.  Last time I checked, it was ***Yasmin’s*** Brat Pack.  Do people think I have over reacted and blown this matter out of proportion?  No offense, but you have apparently mistaken me for someone that gives a shit.

There’s several good sims within Second Life that will provide us with the break and entertainment away from our own island when we need it.  In time, we’ll find it.  Until then, we’re exploring and finding a lot of potentially promising and playful sims we were unaware of before this matter came to pass.  To be honest, its kind of taken me back to the exploring I did prior to finding Stonehaven.

Malvakian Bracken

I once implied that a human should perhaps think twice, reconsider, flip a coin, then think some more before taking the collar of a Neko.  So, of course, I go against my own advice and, you guessed it, I collared a Neko.

Malvakian Bracken.  I’ve met few kittens in Second Life like you, and consider myself blessed to own you.  With the exception of a little hottie kitten, I can’t think of a kitten I’d rather own. 

Although, to be fair, I’m still not really sure one can own a Neko.  With my slaves, they pretty much make themselves available to my Family upon request.  In other words, if I am not available, any Brat can play with any slave at any time, with a few exceptions.  Kitten obeys me with all her heart, but as to the rest of the Family, in a very cat like manner, its play when and where she sees fit.  You can almost picture her curled in front of the fire, grooming herself, looking at Dio and the cuffs with that look of “yeah, whatever chick,” and then going back to her grooming.  Makes you wonder some days who owns who.

Kitten, when we go for walks, and stop to chat or visit and you tower at my feet and softly let your tail wrap around my leg and knead my calf and thigh,  oh yes, who wouldn’t tingle?  Believe me when I say your essence does the same thing to my heart.

Its amazing to me that you have given yourself to me considering our past, the fights, the power struggle.  It will surprise my readers to know that I once even went so far as to ban you from Stonehaven.

While writing this blog, I paused with regret to consider the Nekos that have come into my life filled with adoration and love, only to leave with us fighting, full of resentment and scorn, or in some cases, pure hate.  I find it ironic that you came into my life in the opposite manner, and now show my love and adoration on your face every time I see you.  I guess perhaps the best way for a human to own a Neko is to do everything backwards.

I love you kitten, thank you.  Thank you, for simply being you.

Leaving no stone unturned…

I hesitated alot about this next issue.  For the regular readers, you’ve seen me address my current Brats.  Now, I think maybe it is time to touch upon some of the former ones.

Let me be clear about one thing.  With the exception of two former Brats, I can honestly say I care deeply and fondly for each of my former Brats and/or Angels.  By the way, Angels are what I owned before they became Brats.  Without going thru a chronological order of every girl I’ve owned, I want to discuss briefly some of those that touched me the most, and in a way, still do.

Faye Aluveaux.  Or, as I fondly refer to her with a select few people, submissivus una.  Faye was actually the second girl I owned in SL, but she is clearly the one that got me started domming.  As our relationship grew, it became clear that Faye was destined more to be owned by Idoru, then myself.  I’m happy to say that to this day, Faye is still one of the cornerstones of Idoru’s Family.  Another of Idoru’s girls, Tot, once wrote that regarding Faye, “still waters run deep”.  This is about the best description of Faye I have seen.  Faye is a charming, sweet, playful young girl, one that I feel you simply must meet, before you can even begin to say your SL experience is complete.  I loved Faye then, and I love her now.  Regardless of how we have addressed each other over the past fifteen months, I am most honored to call her “friend”.

Cannis Carter.  Cannis may have been the driving force behind why I left Idoru.  Ultimately, I am responsible for my actions regarding my running from my submission to Idoru, but Cannis certainly contributed to the short list of reasons why.  To the best of my knowledge, some issues have arisen in Cannis’ RL that prevent her from spending much time in SL anymore.  I only pray she is well.  As a tip, if you are in need of nice hair, do ask Cannis.  If there is nice hair in SL, chances are, she already owns it.

Av Graves.  I collared Av once I was living with Cannis.  Ironically, there was some jealousy from Cannis as to Av’s presence, but eventually they became good friends and even partnered.  Av is a delight as a sub or a Domme.  Very creative.  Very playful.  Always energetic.  My hope is that Av finds in SL that which she seeks most.  Given her current relationship, I think she is very close.  I pray RL is kind to her and her’s.

Fawn Lovenkraft.  Fawn was my last Angel and while she did not create the term “Brat” for my newer girls, she certainly embodied brathood.  At one time, there was a mini-competition in old Stonehaven.  I was Idoru’s Huntress, and Fawn was Lydia’s Huntress.  Things came to a head one day when we caged one another.  Soon after that, Lydia released Fawn, and I left Idoru.  In the process of playing with Fawn’s keys one day, she proposed a week trial of me keeping her keys.  It stuck for almost a year.  Then, the last few months, Fawn’s RL seems to have intervened as she has dropped from SL.  I have to say, I miss Fawn terribly.  Always playful, and perhaps the least dramatic person I have ever met.  Always an Angel.

Shuggi and Illy.  First and foremost, I learned that I am not suited to own nekos.  Honestly, I’m not sure nekos are meant to be owned.  Now, there has been some “tension” with regard to Illy and Shuggi’s own blogs, but I am not going to address that here, and in fact, encourage them to put to pen their versions of our relationship.  Yes Shuggi, all two and a half hours of it.  I will touch upon one thing.  It has been alluded to, in conversation with others, that one of these two kittens has criticized my own level of honesty.  To this, I say “shamey shamey”.  How dare you even begin to play the honesty card.  And that’s all I’ll say on that topic.  Aside from that, the one positive thing I can take from knowing Illy and Shuggi is that they met, fell in love, and partnered during their time with me.  Despite any criticisms, surely they’ll acknowledge that their union resulted from meeting me.  If not, then piffle.  We do indeed disagree on everything.

Now, to discuss something rather unpleasant.  I will not address these two individuals by name, as I simply do not acknowledge that they have names anymore.  They are persona non gratae.

M.  I’ll only address this person by his first initial, for the temptation to be derogatory is still great and believe it or not, I am trying to maintain the high road.  At one time, I made the option available for members of my Family to see a picture of me, from RL.  I even made the photo so it could not be transferred, copied or modified.  Additionally, members of my Family assured me they would do nothing out of line with my photo.  To my chagrin, M elected not only to prove it could be copied, but did so, as well as defaced it.  I overlooked this indiscretion at first, given his tendencies for juvenile behavior, but later, M made me a very nice gift, one that plucked at my heart, deeply.  Instead, the gift turned out to be a trap designed to humiliate me.  Recently, I gave M an opportunity to increase his business exposure to SL, not as he seemed to think, monopolize it.  M not only rejected this opportunity, but was rather nasty in the process.  One strike.  Two strikes.  Three strikes.  John Wayne has a great quote that makes me think of M.  “Life’s tough.  Its even tougher when you’re stupid.”

The last person to be discussed.  She knows who she is.  You stole my girl’s ideas.  You had the sim rolled back so you could steal her club.  You stole her name portion of the logo.  God only knows what else you’ve taken.  Then you cried foul when you saw us trying to make our own mark in SL, using our own ideas.  Life moves on.  We’ve begun anew with a clean slate, so these things are of little import to us.  What does matter is that you were in the wrong then, and you still are.  You want to know why you were released?  Fine.  I’ll tell.  You are nothing more than a lying, manipulative, deceitful, bitch.  You go to hell.  To quote Pierre Choderlos de Laclos, “La vengeance est un plat qui se mange froid”.

Teyonas

Yasmin’s Love.  Yasmin’s Legacy.  My darling bride.

The first time I met, rather interacted, with Tey, it was in old Stonehaven.  She was almost done with a lengthy timer set by someone else.  I dropped in out of nowhere, saw that her keys were available, added three hours to every timer, flew off.  Never said a word to her, she never said a word to me.

While not talking to my victim was very unusual for me, it was not so for Tey, as I would discover.  Tey had a habit of standing by the entrance to the cage room and being afk.  Many a time I would lock her, block her from environment, set timers and leave her keys.  Many a time she would come back from afk just as I finished.  One day I finally sent her an IM and asked if it was okay to lock her like I did.  After what seemed like an eternity, Tey replied that it was fine with her.  I later found out that she even argued with someone that once tried to unlock her after I had locked her up.

As time went on, I eventually collared Tey.  In fact, our one year anniversary is just a few days away.  By the time I collared her, we had evolved to the point that I could, if lucky, sometimes get two, maybe three sentences out of Tey in a fifteen minute period.  A lot of times, during a scene, Tey would freeze up, or simply log off.  Many would develop quite a complex with this type of behavior, but something told me there was something else at work.

Finally, one day, during a nice arousing scene, Tey froze on me.  Just stopped talking, for about fifteen minutes.  Finally, she apologized and began talking again.  I had had enough at this point, so I bluntly asked her what was wrong.  It was then that Tey explained the reason behind her quiet and shy nature.  In RL, she suffers from Asperger’s Syndrome.

I was stunned.  Not by her admission, but by the fact that she was in a cyber environment at all.  How hard must it have been for her to even go thru being collared by me, much less scene and play with myself as well as her sisters.

By this time, I also owned a lovely girl named DiaperedPet Jewell.  Pet offered to begin meeting with Tey and going thru some roleplay scenarios, to help make her more comfortable during scenes.  I know when Pet left my Family shortly after that, she was still a tad frustrated with Tey, but the work she began went on, and today Tey is quite comfortable in just about any setting within SL.  In fact, Tey tells me she has even fired her therapist in RL as the relationships she has developed in SL give her more therapy.  Pet was very helpful, and I can never thank her enough.

Soon after Pet left the Family, I split with my partner at the time, Shibari Hobble.  Soon after that split, Tey approached me and let me know that if I ever took another partner, she would like it to be her.  I was touched.  In just seven months, Tey had progressed from one that could barely speak to me, to now proposing to me.  In fairness to myself and Shi, as well as Tey, I told Tey it was much too soon.  She accepted this, quite gracefully.

Over the following weeks, I made it a point to get even closer to Tey, and began to see her for the loving supportive sweet soul she is.  Soon, I let her know that the answer to her proposal was yes.  On July 14, we were married.  In my prior partnerships, I had never gone thru the actual marriage ritual in SL.  I recommend it to anyone considering partnering.  For some reason, it just seems to solidify the union.

Today, my partnership with Tey is certainly the strongest relationship I have in SL.  In fact, it ranks very high with my RL relationships as well.  Even I cannot say how long my time in this medium will last, but I am sure my friendship with Tey will far surpass it.  Tey is one of those people that you want to keep in touch with.  Find out who they married, what did they name their babies, what other tribulations do they have, etc.

I gave Teyonas the title of Yasmin’s Legacy because if my time were to end now, and my days in SL were to draw to a close, I would want people to remember me by looking at Tey.  She is my legacy to SL.  I do not take credit for changing her life for the better.  I do not pretend to think I have cured her AS.  I do however think I have assisted her in finding a path to an easier way of communicating with those she loves, here and in RL.  Tey tells me she has even begun speaking up at her place of employment, and been rewarded by being assigned to train new employees.

How incredibly difficult that must be for her at times, and how incredibly brave she must be for persevering.

You are my Legacy Love.  You complete me.  I love you.

But you are still an imp.  ; P

Diomita

Yasmin’s Enforcer.  I first met Dio about a year ago while taking a brief hiatus to explore SL’s prison system.  At the time, Dio was a guard at Pandora’s Box.

My goal when I entered Pandora’s was to cause as much trouble as I possibly could, perhaps even start a riot.  To my shock, this was frowned on heavily by Pandora’s administrators as they wanted a prison where the inmates were quiet and obedient.  I assume much like a prison one would find today, in nirvana.

During one of my tirades, I encountered the rudest, most obnoxious, foul mouthed prison bitch of a guard one could ever imagine, Dio.  *sigh*  It was love at first sight.  At least for me.  Dio barely gave me the time of day.

Flash forward a month, which in SL is like six years, and lo and behold, Dio has discovered Stonehaven.  Not only discovered it, but taken up residency there.  Not only taken up residency there, but living next door to me.

Luckily for me, Dio did not recall our first encounter, and seemed to have a much softer attitude, even after I relayed the nature of our first encounter.

In time, I was able to coax Dio to test her submissiveness by trusting me to be her guide.  Eventually, I collared Dio and brought her into my Family as the Family Enforcer.  Make no mistake, Dio may be owned by me, and submissive to me, but she is very much a feisty independent Domme in her own right. 

Of all the Brats, Dio probably has the best disposition to be her own Domme.  That is why I am doubly blessed to continue to garner her devotion.

Additionally, Dio is the head of the Family Euro Brat Division.  She has put together her own Family and has even modeled her Family after mine.  They say imitation is the highest form of flattery, Dio flatters me every day.  I am sure there will be more on Dio’s Family in later posts, as both her girls have, in their own way, touched me.

Being perhaps the closest to me in age of all my Brats, I am still surprised at times how much alike Dio and I think.  Dio has become more than my Enforcer, more than my Brat, she is my Friend.

I love you Dio!

Home is where the heart is…

So let me go on record as saying that my home is, was and always will be in Stonehaven.  Whether I rent a house there or not, there is something about the place that just gives me a sense of ease.  Whether it is my familiarity with the sim, my friendships among the regulars, or just a sense of belonging, I will never know for sure.  I suspect it is a combination of all of these things.

As Merl and I would have the opportunity to explore together at times when Edi and Oct were occupied elsewhere or offline, we both discovered an affinity for SL’s bdsm community.  Moreso myself than Merl, but being the friend she is, she helped me explore this lifestyle in SL.

One day, out of the blue, I log on and am immediately pounced upon by Merl via IM.  The conversation went something like this…

“Yas, I found the neatest sim that you are going to LOVE!”

“Oh?  tp me please.”

I arrive, right on the grassy walkway between the castle as it used to sit in old Stonehaven and the cage room.  I look around.  Take in the scene. 

“Good work Merl.  A sim with a castle and a room full of cages.”  *insert stifled yawn here*

Long slow grin from Merl, as only Nekos can do it.

“No sweetie, here the residents wear their keys.”  *Triumphant smile*

“Keys?”

“Yes hon, keys, you know?  Little silver things used to operate locks and restraints.”

“Yes Merl, I know what the hell keys are, what do you mean the residents *wear* them?”

“Sigh.  Wear them Yas, as in, on the cuffs, so that others can *lock* them???”  *Finger flick to the head*

“Like, all the time???”  *Slightly distracted as a long haired beauty named Rylla walks by, going down the slope and into the cage room*

“Yes hon, so that others can pla…..”

“You know what Merl, hold that thought.  I’ll catch up to you later.  I suddenly have a piqued interest in the cage room area.”  And off I stroll to see exactly what this sim has to offer.

And that’s a rough take of how my introduction to Stonehaven occurred.  Not, as some rumors seem to insist, at the hired request of the owner to clean up the riff raff that ran around day and night in lingerie with keys dangling taunting visitors and luring every would be kidnapper in SL.  Don’t laugh, the rumors are out there.

In all seriousness, I actually thought I would write about Stonehaven in one post.  But as I type this, my fifth draft, I realize that it simply cannot be done.  Stonehaven has come to represent so much for a lot of people that choose to participate in the bdsm lifestyle, one post just does not do it justice.  There will be many more entries pertaining not just to Stonehaven, but the people I have met there, and will meet there, and their impact on my SL experience.

One person I will mention before closing is the owner of Stonehaven, Dirk.  Dirk has spent a lot of time and energy in making Stonehaven, not for his own enjoyment, but rather the enjoyment of the visitors it attracts.  Dirk’s pleasure is derived from our own.  For me personally, Dirk has given me a place I can call home within SL.  I don’t say it enough hon, but thanks, from the bottom of my heart.

So, if you’re new to SL, and you’re into the bdsm lifestyle, come visit Stonehaven, and get to know the people.  But if you wear your restraints, keep your hands on your keys.  Chances are I’ve already got my eye on them.

Felina Kitty – “Awwww, who the hell set my autolocks?  C’mon…who did it???”

Sidebar Your Honor?

Just a quick thought in passing before I delve into the next installment of this new adventure.

I was recently on Stonehaven’s patio* and there was an individual there that I have had some, for lack of a better term, general misunderstandings with in the past.  Now, to provide some brief history, this individual lives an existence in which they seem only to set themselves up for scorn and ridicule, then honestly seem upset or even angry when it comes.  Regulars of the patio know of which never nude individual I speak.  To avoid further conflict, I shall now only refer to this individual as “She Who Hath No Name”.

Anywho, to continue with this point, this individual made a comment in open chat to another person, in response to some general query about my “likes”, that I was “boring”.  I kind of made an off the cuff retort, but let the matter lie. 

However, while helping one of my children with their homework tonight, I came across a George Washington quote that I feel applies very well to She Who Hath No Name.

“Do not conceive that fine clothes make fine men, any more than fine feathers make fine birds.”

*More on Stonehaven in posts to follow as the sims of Stonehaven, Stonehaven Island and Psi’s Realm are very important to myself as well as the members of my Family.