Rayn Halfpint

Has left Second Life.  Canceled her account.  I don’t like it.  Part of me feels I could have done more for her, but Rayn and I often “misconnected”, if that is indeed a word.  Regardless, she’ll always be a GrandBrat in my eyes, and i wish her much luck.  I wish it weren’t so, but I understand why it is.  Godspeed Rayn.

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Yar

Yasmin’s Joy.  And what a joy this sweet girl has turned out to be.

I could write fifty entries regarding Yar and how she came to be a Brat, and still I fear the tale would be incomplete.  Yar and I have had a long and convoluted relationship.

Of all my Brats, Yar spent the longest time in her trial phase.  There is a story in and of itself in that regard, but lets just say Yar attempted to thwart my trial process by utilizing an alt, and got caught.  Mercy is a powerful tool, and I forgave Yar for her “escape”, and have not regretted it one bit.  Yar is the energy that keeps our Family going.  If you ever want to truly see what submission entails, follow Yar for a week.

Yar has made some bad choices in her SL experience, but she has paid the price and owned up to her mistakes, as well as acknowledged not only who she is in SL, but is open about the person in RL that drives her to be here.

But lets not turn this post into a summary of Yar’s oversights.  She has used her time here, as well as our relationship, to accomplish some positive things.  First and foremost, Yar used SL, and my ownership of her, to kick an RL smoking habit.  For anyone that has ever suffered an addiction (would SL itself qualify) you can appreciate how hard it must have been for Yar, sitting in RL at a computer desk, alone, perhaps bored, staring at that pack of cigarettes, and not picking one up.

Yar has also used SL to gain some deep loving friendships, that will hopefully last a lifetime.  For those of you keeping up with Yar and/or Rayn’s blogs, you know that Yar fell for and married one of the Family’s GrandBrats, Rayn Halfpint.  If you’ve read this forum in its proper order, you also know that Rayn, for personal reasons, left SL.  Despite that, Yar and Rayn continue to stay in touch via their own blogs, as well as email and MSN.

Rayn has said, and I agree, that SL in and of itself can be addictive.  Luckily, the love and friendship that is developed in SL is even more overpowering.

I’ve had several people tell me that I am the best thing to ever happen to Yar.  I disagree.  Rayn is the best thing to ever happen to Yar “and I”.  I firmly believe that it was her marriage to Rayn that helped Yar to calm down, thereby allowing me to convince Yar that living in SL via alts was not the healthiest choice to make.

Someone very close to me recently pointed out that in RL we live several roles, not always truthful roles, pretend to be people we are not or worse, pretend to be people that others need us to be while in SL, despite what or who we are in RL, we play the roles that we are meant to play.  The roles we truly are.

I used to think that SL was escapism, a place to live out a fantasy.  With Yar, SL has become a place where I am free to be who I truly am.  Even moreso, I feel Yar is truly who she is in SL.  It no longer feels like an escape, or mere fantasy.  Those of you that know her well can appreciate some humor in this realization.  Most likely you chuckle because deep down, you agree.  Yar has a way of turning around the lives of those she meets.

I cannot think of a more honest and open person in my SL experience than Yar.  As with all my Brats, there will be many more entries detailing a few pieces of a time about the past, but for now, as I write this entry, at 2:00 in the morning, I try to think of something that will help me have pleasant dreams, something joyful.  I think of Yar.  My Joy.

I love you Yar.

Love is a Battlefield

I had intended to bring this blog up to date in one straight continuous tale, but there are events occuring in my SL experience right now that seem to demand chronicling.  So, this blog will now take on the attitude of The X-Files.  Storyline, storyline, storyline, stand alone, storyline, storyline, you get the picture.  I’ll try to keep the Cancer Man at bay.

While I am sure there will be many posts on her later, I want to briefly discuss one of my Brats, Yar.  I collared Yar on 4/23/08.  Since that time, we have taken many twists and turns in our relationship.  To be honest, we took many twists and turns in Yar’s trial alone, much less since then. 

To date, Yar has constantly proven herself to me again and again.  I often tell people that if they want to know the path of submission, they merely need to follow Yar.  Truth is, I doubt but a handful could keep up on that path.  And yes, I already own that handful.

During the trial process, and of course following her collaring, Yar developed a close relationship with one of my GrandBrats, Rayn.  Rayn, to say the least, is the consummate brat.  I have never seen anyone work so hard at getting herself into trouble.

Last July, a week before my own SL wedding to Teyonas, Yar and Rayn were married.  Rarely do I see two people in SL so deserving of one another.

Yesterday, I log on to discover that Rayn has made the decision to leave SL.  Naturally, Yar is crushed.  I won’t delve into the method or reasons behind Rayn’s decision, but suffice to say I was pretty irate.  Mostly out of defense mode for Yar and wanting to exorcise my frustration at her being hurt.

In the 24 hours since, I have cooled off considerably.  The main reason for Rayn’s decision seems to stem from pressure within her own RL.  I cannot be angry at her for this, as I have been there myself, and, as the last post clearly states, have been in love with someone feeling similar pressure.

All I can do now is pray Rayn’s future allows her the time and energy to reconnect with Yar on some level, and at least preserve the friendship that lies beneath their love.  I also pray that Yar is able to move forward from this.  Of course, given her support structure, I am confident she will do so.

Remember the mantra I taught you Yar, “Nobody Knows.”

We are young, heartache to heartache we stand, no promises, no demands….

Love is a battlefield.  Nobody knows this better than the wounded.