Barbed Wire

I know, I know, its been too long since I blogged.  My apologies, those with kids and summer time can relate to how hectic life can become.

There’s been a lot to write about lately, but rather than continue updating on the newer members of our Family, some recent events have reminded me of another story from my past, and a close friend reminded me today that it may be worth repeating.

When I was a sprite little toddler, I spent at least one weekend out of the month with my oldest aunt.  My grandfather also lived with her as he was retired and getting on in years and she decided to take care of him. 

During my visits, Grandpa and I always took a little hike through the woods behind my aunt’s house, over a small stream and through this long rolling meadow to the fence line.  The fence, as was customary at that time, was made of barbed wire.

Now, when I was about three, perhaps four, several of the grandkids were visiting Grandpa for his birthday and to celebrate, for whatever reason, we all ended up in this meadow, planting trees.  For reasoning I can no longer recall, or fathom, I wanted to plant my tree very close to the fence line.  My aunt forbid it, saying that a tree should not grow too close to the fence.  Grandpa intervened, saying that the tree would not be that big, and that there was a good chance the tree would not survive to be big enough to be a threat anyway.

As usual, Grandpa won.  I planted my tree.

Over the years, as I grew into a young woman, and Grandpa aged, we still took our monthly hikes, when my schooling allowed.  For one of the rare times in my life, I saw my Grandpa proven wrong.  The tree grew.  And grew.  And then, grew some more.  It grew over the fence, swallowing it.  The two melded so that if you removed the fence, it would kill the tree.  If you removed the tree, it would destroy the fence.  Grandpa always smiled when we got to the tree.  He never said, but I think he intended that to happen, to teach me a valuable lesson.

We enter into relationships as either a tree, or a fence.  Both live and exist fine on their own, but together they need a certain, melding.  But I think what Grandpa wanted me to take away was even more crucial.  The process does not occur overnight.

Too many of us in the bdsm community, from both sides, want our pleasure overnight.  We want, in some cases expect, the relationship to conform to our wishes overnight.  I’m reminded of my Grandpa’s words to my aunt, “there’s a good chance the tree will never survive to be big enough…”  So who’s the tree?  The Domme?  The sub?

I say it doesn’t matter.  If you don’t take the time to grow, the relationship fails.

I’m not by any means pointing the flashlight out in this blog, just merely posting words for us all, myself included, to think about.  For those of you in my Family that have recently marked a one year milestone wearing my collar, or are about to, I thank you.  Are we a tree and fence living together as one?  Not by a long shot.  But I like our chances.  : )

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Debits and Credits

Today was simply a beautiful day for real life activities.  One might say almost too beautiful.  So, I packed up the lil ones, loaded up the car, put the windows down and sunroof back, and away we went.  Quite a sight, me and my oldest in the front seat head bopping to some reggae while the two youngest sat in the back and ignored us, or rather, gave more attention to their respective hand held electronic games.

Now, I’ll admit, the purpose of the drive was two fold.  One, it got me and the kids out of the house, afforded us the time to go to a local state park and hike and observe some wild life as well as simply connect, as families should.

It also gave me the opportunity to reflect on some recent events in my Second Life experience and put things into perspective.

I won’t, as I’ve promised, go into detail on recent events nor mention any names as the three people involved, at least the three I am the most concerned for and yes, one of them is me, wish this to remain private.  However, as a couple of others involved do not seem to have that desire, four or five versions of this incident are available for your review, depending on where you choose to park your avatar for an hour or two.  In my own defense, if any of my readers do hear an unauthorized version of this incident, I merely ask you to keep in mind two things.  I didn’t make it.  I didn’t sell it.

Having said that, that’s not to say I’m completely guiltless.  There were some bad choices in my Second Life experience at that time and at least one thing that is deeply regretted by myself.  I have discussed this regret with one of the other two aforementioned people and the incident at the root of this post is now closed, at least between us.

With any luck, most of my readers will have managed to have avoided catching a single word of this incident and its subsequent rumor mongering and will continue to do so and maintain a happy and joyful Second Life experience.

Back to my day out with the kids.  On the way home, I did indeed catch a lucky break as all three managed to doze off.  This gave me some time to reflect on the issue at hand.  I was reminded of an important lesson I learned in college.

For every debit, there must be a credit.  To the average reader, this will come off as simple accounting.  The first rule of accounting is exactly as I have said, for every debit, there must be a credit.  Nothing is gained, without something lost.  The inverse is also true.

But I’m not talking elementary accounting here, I’m talking life lesson.  In life, we give, and in return we get.  Sometimes we get, and find we have to give.  Its always true, there are no exceptions.  The debit may not be in close relation to the credit, time wise, but it occurs.  Some simply know this as the Great Wheel of Karma.

As a result of the incident leading to this post, I lost two good friends in Second Life, one of whom I considered something more than just a “friend”, in the everyday sense.  I admit, this hurt.  A lot.  I was crushed.  Still am.  This definitely was my “credit”.

But remember, I said the inverse is also true.  therefore, it makes sense that for every credit, there must be a debit.  Will this debit appear down the road soon, or later?  In Second Life?  Or perhaps another medium?  One can never tell.  But life has shown me that it will happen.

Based on the outpouring of support and love I received stemming from this incident, I think I can safely say my cup of debits runneth over.  If this were so simple as an accounting transaction, one might surmise I’ve come out ahead on the deal.  To those people, and you know who you are, I say thank you, from the bottom of my heart, and I love you too.  The only favor I ask is that you cease contacting the other two people at issue in this post.  We’ve agreed to put this issue to rest.

Its time to let them balance out their ledger.

Valerie Webwyre

I have been trying to write this post for several days now.  Its simply hard for me to know where to begin with Valerie. 

Those of you that frequest the slave lounge in Yasminia know Valerie as hostess of the lounge and my overseer of slaves.  Charming, sensitive, open, always ready to listen and give advice, Valerie is a godsend to me as well as my Family.

What most of you readers may not know is that Valerie and I have an online relationship/friendship that covers the last five years, give or take, and obviously pre-dates Second Life.

During those five years, Valerie and I have seen the worse, and perhaps the best, of one another.  Like any other friendship that spans a few years, we’ve had our valleys, as well as our peaks.

Upon finally taking the Second Life plunge, Valerie sought me out.  I gave her some advice on Second Life, and arranged for a few people to chaperone her to some areas in the bdsm community that I felt were important for Valerie to fully grasp what we do in Second Life.  Rarely have I seen such a quick learner.

Contrary to public opinion, I do not sink my talons into every new person and rustle them into the pack.  Life, whether here or there, i.e., SL or RL, is based on choices.  I encouraged Valerie to look around, find her spot, hell, I practically pushed her out the door.

Fortunately for me, Valerie is like a bad penny, you just can’t get rid of her.  She is once again, as prior to Second Life, entrenched in my life, my Family, and my heart.  I love you Valerie.  Thank YOU, for always finding me.